The 2002 Genki Awards:
Everyone Gets A Trophy day!

written by Shad
It is rare that a website is able to obtain and keep quality writers who are so devoted to their theme. It is even more rare to find people who are just as screwed up as myself and DJ Xero. For all this, we have decided to present our Genki Crew staff with the 2002 Genki Awards, in their honor. And here they are, your 2002 Genki winners!

Best DDR Freak - DJ Xero
For his efforts to dance nonstop until he makes everyone sweat just by watching him.

"it's late...

I'd like to thank everyone for wanting to honor me with such and exclusive award that everyone else got as well. In fact, I don't see why I have to thank anyone, I did all this on my own, you people didn't do shit... this calls for a drink. soo ailike i was saay ing, you ploelple are the , wiad taminute.

you mpoe;plle make asme sicika! iwa'm sgonnans kill aowll your spanets mothers and ammothers mothesr. and then i'm gonan srape your sdog snd alsways alaywass leave lthe livhght on !!!!!!!!! dago fa9#### sfgamtfucFUCK!! FJADIFULX!!! ADKLFI'K FCUKA L!!! "

DJ Xero's opinions do not necessarily represent the views of www.genki-web.net.

 

 

Best Party Guy - Mattboyslim
For his efforts to stay inebriated with great gusto! And for being such an entertaining guy while doing so.

"D..Domo. This is the best award I've won since the Home-Ec award in Middle School.....oh wait, I thought I blocked that out......AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Well, all the more reason to drink the other half a bottle of Rumplemintz......WOOO!!! That's better. I'd like to thank some people, without whom all this would not be possible....First the Germans for creating such great liquid candies such as Rumplemintz, Das Komet and my personal favorite Goldschlager. My friends, without whom I'd be forced to drink alone. My girlfriend Jenn for still thinking I'm funny when I'm plastered, and forgiving me the next day. Uhhhhh....beer.........ummmm.....cups. Uh.....Heh. OOOO! Puzzle Fighter for letting me retain some shred of dignity, tie on my head or not. Ummmmmmm....rediculous and inexplicable anime series' like FLCL, for being extra funny when I'm smashed. Ummmm....food, for tasting so good.....mmmmmmmm. And, uhhhhh......WOO!!! Heh.. (zzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZ)"

Shad: "Sir? Sir! Your two minutes are up sir.... c'mon, buddy, wakey-wakey."

MattBoySlim: "Hmmm? Oh, geez. I'm sorry. Heh. Um, thanks." (Stumbles off-stage)

 

 

Best Supporting Actor - Chris Asbestos
For being the best and funniest thing on our website, and also for not selling our organs on the black market for crack coccaine.

"Receiving this award is really wonderful, almost as great as the day I realized I had to get the tattoo I recently acquired, which I think truly sums up all my diverse attitudes towards life that make me who I am as a person: for those interested in deep psychological insight into my personality, you may not be surprised to learn it consists of Count Chocula and Franken Berry beating each other silly with truncheons. (I might get some bondage gear added later, or perhaps Yummy Mummy with a sawed-off shotgun and awesome ninja knife-shoes jump-kicking someone who really sucks, like maybe Carson Daly, in the face.) Soon I'm going to get a ping-pong paddle on my happy trail.

Honestly, I'm really glad that I'm able to make Shad, Xero, Master P, and lots of the other folks I've met in life (or perhaps haven't met) laugh on occasion with my silly antics, but I'm sometimes bewildered when they do: I don't really think I'm that funny. Most of my jokes are some variation on the following, which took place a few nights ago:
Xero: "Yeah, I tried this import beer, it's called 'Super Homo Faggoty Gayest Gay Stuff for Queers Ever."
Asbestos: "I invented that beer! Fun fact: it's actually my sweat! It's bottled! Hey, Rob, that was pretty SASSAY, wasn't it? Tell me some things that are SASSAY! I know I am! Owwwwww! Oh snap! Oh no he DI'N'T!"

And so on, and so forth. As far as my content (or lack thereof) on this site, I keep meaning to write some record reviews (maybe in the vein of Mark Prindle, my idol whose site [www.markprindle.com] I urge anyone to check out), but I've been pretty well-occupied turning them out for www.stylusmagazine.com. If you're interested in any sort of wacky music, by all means, check it out. Hopefully I'll be contributing to this site more regularly, but at the very least I'll be continuing to assist the Genki Collective in its plans for world domination, including the script for BLOODY STOOLZ (whut whut). Until then, peace out!"

Email from Chris Asbestos Mon 7/8/02 1:11AM:

oh yeah, i didn't realize how long what i sent was compared to the other comments that rolled in, so feel free to cut the shit out of it (and my wang).
/msg SexyGrandpa hey wanna cyber?
OOOPS WRONG WINDOW!

 

 

Best Global Dominator - Mighty Doom
For being the greatest, most sadistic villain on our website, and for being such a great guy at the same time.

"On behalf of power-mad despots the world over, Doom accepts this honor. Doom has endured much as resident film and video game reviewer, and is pleased to see tribute paid for his efforts. In the future, all shall bow before Doom and - unhand that microphone, cretin! CURSE YOU, RICHARDS!!"

 

 

Best Mark Twain Award Winner - Goldie
For being one of the best writers and giving us another excuse to boost our own ego's by saying "the only website hosting a Mark Twain Award winner!".

 

 

Best Lazy Bitch - Master P
For not getting a damn thing done and being such a lovable guy in the process.

"Finally, the recognition that I deserve for all the hard work that I put into being lazy.  From the hot days of staring at the monitor...from bed, to the hot nights of staring at my monitor...from the bed; it was very difficult to keep myself from getting up and doing something productive.

I would like to thank old Joe for doubting my slacker ability and I'd also like to thank Cletus for teaching me exactly how to sit, chew gum, yawn, stretch, AND scratch my ass all at the same time, thus proving old Joe wrong!  And of course, I thank Shad, for without him, I'd be without a public medium with which to flaunt my amazing art of lazy style wack-fu.  And I'd also like to thank all of my current DE buddies for allowing me to be myself, even though I sometimes complain about being myself.

So, I play a great deal of games and you all want to hear about em, right?  Well, you're in luck, because Ive recently reached a turning point in life where Ive decided that I want to write more, which makes you, the reader, the beneficiary from my problems. That means more reviews, more talking, and more wackiness!  So, watch for more reviews of both old and new games from your friendly neighborhood Guitar Freak, Master P."

 

 

Best Japan Correspondent - Tyger
For being our good buddy in Japan and being the best darned 'Secret Squirrel' in the world!

 

 

Best Idea For A Website Gimick - Shad
For coming up with this great idea for our website. (this award was presented by DJ Xero)

"Yeah, great. I just wanna give a shout-out to my fake girlfriends who keep me company at night when I'm in bed touching myself. Oh shit, actually what I meant to say was I need to give mad props out to all mah homiez, including muthafuckin' Genki Crew, women who let me put my penis inside their various orifices, Jack Daniels, the really hot chick that just got replaced on Beat the Geeks, Jackie Chan, The Legend of the Red Dragon (LoRD 4 LIFE!), Kill Mother Fucking Depeche Mode (no pity for the majorty muthafuckaz!!!), HOLY SHIT THAT STUPID BITCH JUST BEAT THE STAR WARS GEEK!!!, oh...uhm, and Red Bull, Gats the Black Swordsman, Duke Nukem, sleep, Arby's restaurants, New Line Cinema, friends of mine who live overseas, Miyamoto Musashi, nipples, Bill Nye the Science Guy (of former Almost Live fame), the inter-web, and my baby's momma.

Well I must say it's really an honor to receive this award, even though it was my idea. There's nothing that says anyone really has to do anything on this site, but these guys all do it gladly, whatever it is that we do. I must say that I haven't spent a single day updating this site where I wasn't entertained. There's always material to be used and abused as we see fit, and even when we choose to make fun of each other everyone is always a great sport. I must also add that these people put up with a lot of my shit which can include nagging, complaining, whining about being alone, bitching about trying to keep my place clean because I own instead of renting, stupid jokes about my testicles or other body parts, being a sore loser at the video games, and the occaisional ass-grabbing which was completely unintentional and OH GOD WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME, DJ XERO!? WHY!?!?!?!?!?

Well, now that I've used up all my penis jokes, gay jokes, and geek jokes for the day, I just want to talk for a moment about bodily functions..."