Bloodrayne (Xbox)

A Short Review

by MattBoySlim

When I went to go buy Timesplitters 2, the guy at EB tried to persuade me to get something else. Don't get me wrong, this guy is usually pretty cool, but evidently he doesn't like FPS's. (I, on the other hand, think that TS2 is the single best multiplayer console FPS out there right now, especially for Xbox. However, that's material for a different review.) ANyway, he was telling me about how it's a combination of Max Payne and Wolfenstein and a bunch of other stuff. "And it's got really hot vampire chicks!!!!!" Now, not being one to disparage any game featuring hot chicks, I decided to rent it instead.

Ok, before anyone berates me for not giving this game a fair review, keep in mind that I only played the first 2 levels or so. It was a rental. Sadly, it wasn't really worth the rental price (+ late fees). The story starts out ok...hot vampire chicks with large breasts. What else do you really need? Well, gameplay might be nice. The "tutorial" was the most incomprehensible thing I've ever seen. Sure, they tried to follow the normal formula: explain what the buttons do, with visual examples and then let you try it for yourself. But here's how it really went....They'd show you what the X button does, with a visual example; then they'd show what the Y button does, with an example; then they'd explain a combo of buttons and tell you to try it, sans example. Then they'd explain a bunch of complicated moves in fast succession, no example, then throw you into the game where those moves have no use. As a result, I had no real idea of how to [play the game. The control was too loose and collision detection between your character and objects was inexplicable. Sometimes I couldn't jump on an object that really looked like it should hold me, and sometimes I'd adjust the camera to look down on the character's head, and she'd be floating in midair. Blech.

Here's a pic of one of the game's most advertised features:

Two guns?!?!?! AT ONE TIME??!!?!??! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Admittedly, I never got far enough (or learned the controls enough) to use two guns at once. I have a feeling that it doesn't help the game much. One of the cooler things, though was that you could jump on someone and suck their blood, like this:

I doubt this guy's that upset.....

I'll give them that this is nice to look at, but it barely serves a purpose, seeing as you can do it to any enemy at any time without much resistance. Speaking of nice to look at, I'll also give them that the character designs do what they're supposed to. They do indeed look like hot vampire chicks. However, in cutscenes when the HVC's are talking to each other, certain parts of their anatomy do things that one might expect from a game of this kind in this time of advanced character models with their own physics. There are some games that do this very well....the DOA series first comes to mind. Also Baldur's Gate for Xbox and PS2, and even FFX to an extent, feature female charaters with a nice sway or jiggle from time to time. In this game, however, the character's breast don't so much jiggle as they vibrate. Every time the camera snaps to the main character, it's like someone gives them a slight tug to one side and lets go, letting them settle in as if they were made of a very tight, almost hard rubber. Should make a sound like an arrow or dagger hitting a tree in a movie. Something I can't really spell out in text. Maybe I'll update with a little WAV, and you'll know what I'm talking about.

Anyway, in the end I was very dissapointed in this game. To be fair, if I'd known you could kill Nazis in this game, I would've given it another chance. However, my complaints still stand. Bad control, funky physics and dismal tutorial. And who knew vampires are slightly poisoned by bodies of water? Not me!! I give this game a rating of CRAP!!!!!!