So here I am, debating myself (I assure, I am quite a formidable opponent for my own psyche) on the merits of WMDs. No, no ,no; I’m not thinking of nuclear bombs or chemical bombs or any of that jazz (or rock, or classical, or techno, or acid house). I’m talking straight out Kool-Aid Man. Think about it. Every single sighting of the Kool-Aid Man involved him/it bursting straight out of a wall. It didn’t matter what the wall was made of, he blasted straight through it a hurricane prancing around in Florida . Now, what if we could develop a Kool-Aid Man weapon? It could go through any barrier, whether it be lead, brick, glass, wood, or titanium. On first thought, an anthropomorphized beaker of fruit juice might not seem like the most terrifying of specters, compared to Dante’s image of Lucifer. But consider this: every time Kool-Aid does his wallbusting act, he lets out that most sonorous of exclamations, “Oh yea!” I don’t know about you, but that would terrify me; with each approaching bellow, I would literally feel my fear mount within myself, like Clinton and Lewinsky in the White House. Designing a machine of such power would not be simple. The power needed to destroy any barrier is nothing to sneer at (or to make any facial expression at, for that matter.) Where would the power come from? Where else, but from Kool-Aid juice itself? The Kool-Aid could be stored within the behemoth, powering him up to T-1000 scale powers. The beast would naturally resemble the Kool-Aid Man of yore, complete with sinister smile. He would be the ultimate assassin. No barrier could stop, or even slow him down. Tanks? “Oh yea!” Force fields? “Oh yea!” In conclusion, if you hear anything tonight, you better start running, because if you don’t, your body will be found in a pool of Kool-Aid
