Waffle Squadron Omega

Here’s the new video I’ve been promising off and on. As I’ve noted previously, this is more of an animation test than anything else, though I do hope you find it funny/awesome. It’s technically Waffle Squadron Omega - Season 1 - Episode 0, but it doesn’t really have much to do with the overall story. I figured I’d throw some WSO references in there anyway, though. That way, years later when we actually have a few WSO episodes out there, people can look at it and say, “Hey! Space Jersey!” or whatever. Anyway, enjoy!

Click here to view a less crappy version than the YouTube window below.

Here’s the text of the newspaper article:

For any being who hasn’t lived in a cave for the past 25 years (and even for some who do), today’s news will come as no surprise. Karrde the Awesomist has won Amazathon 3029. In this exclusive first interview following the event, he speaks candidly about the time leading up to Amazathon. “I’d like to say that I’ve spent months preparing for Amazathon 3029. But, being a professional Awesomist, I’ve been prepared my whole life. Impressing people is just what comes natural to me.” For those readers just coming out of cryogenic stasis, The Amazathon is an intergalactic awesomeness competition that is held about every 32.6 Old Earth years. Kardde has become a household name across the tri-galaxy area for his incredible feats of awesomeness, becoming so renowned that most beings refer to him as simply “The Awesomist”. Still, for all his wealth and notoriety, he continues to live humbly in a sprawling mansion here in the floating, domed place of his birth: Space Jersey. “Why do I stay here when I could go anywhere? I don’t know, why does Space Jersey continue to tell time by the solar cycle of a planet that got so sick of us they forcefully jettisoned our entire state into space over 400 years ago? Old habits die hard I guess.”

To maximize awesomeness, the Amazathon encourages contestants to create their own events, as many as three. The contestants are then judged on the awesome difficulty of the challenge they’ve set for themselves, and how awesomely they complete those challenges. “For my first challenge, I decided to venture into the deadly, ninja-infested bamboo forests of Nihongo Prime and punch ninjas until they EXPLODE.” And so he did. Only satellite footage was available, since no other being was brave (or foolish) enough to set foot on the planet’s surface. Swarms of ninjas attacked him from every angle, but his counter attacks were too fast to be seen even in the slowest of slo-mo replays. As we all remember, scientists were baffled a decade ago when it was discovered that The Awesomist’s physical strikes literally approach the speed of light. As his fists began to gain relativistic mass, ninjas literally detonated under his punches. Suddenly, they scattered. The phenomenon that Ninjologists insisted was impossible had happened: the ninjas of Nihongo Prime feared the sheer awesomeness of The Awesomist and had run away in terror.

His second challenge took place here in Space Jersey; an urban footrace against two SprintBot 5000’s down the entire length of the ancient Garden State Parkway. As you probably recall, the SprintBot 5000 was developed by The Awesomist himself breaking the long-standing landspeed records in all three galaxies and netting him yet another lucrative contract with the Waffle Squadron’s peacekeeping branch. True to form, however, he remains modest about the race. “They’re made to be faster than any vehicle on land, let alone a human on foot. Honestly, I had to train for weeks! It was worth it to see their faces, though. Boy, were they mad!”

For his third and final challenge, he chose to take on the notorious space pirate, Brokep Sunde, in a dogfight. Brokep has been challenged to countless dogfights by all kinds of rocket jockeys and has bested them all, reportedly without even breaking a sweat. Being brought up on a variety of vauge charges, Waffle Squadron peace enforcers have tried to take him out, with zero success. The Awesomist in his iconic RawkShip, however, was able to match Brokep’s skill easily, dispatching him “out of hand”, so to speak. “I feel kinda bad about that, actually. He seemed like an okay guy.”

The coveted trophy is displayed prominently on his mantle. It’s in the shape of a shining golden arm, giving “The Horns”, an ancient symbol of Awesomeness. I draw my gaze away from it and back to The Awesomist and ask him what’s next. “I’m not 100% sure, to be honest. I put literally days of planning into this competition, which is unusual for me. I tend to go wherever the galactic winds take me, you know? I’ll probably kick around here for a little while and then jump into my ship and ask the Universe the same question. ‘Alright, Big U, what’s next?’ ” Inspiring words from an Awesome man.

Tags: Videos, Videos, WSO

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 3rd, 2008 at 5:29 pm and is filed under Videos, WSO. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.